EFT Couples Therapy

What is Emotion Focused Couples Therapy?

Dr. Sue Johnson created Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) for couples. It is a research-based therapy that has high success rates and is now done all over the world. It is based on the idea that significant other is our most important secure base in the world and when this attachment is perceived to be in danger or we feel unsafely bonded to our partner, we understandably react in ways to protect the relationship. These behaviors might be to fight, freeze or withdraw from the relationship. A pattern or cycle of the same responses develops when we don’t feel safely connected to our most important others. This cycle becomes the problem and creates a lot of pain in your relationship. The good news is that since you created your repetitive pattern with your partner, you can and will learn how to reverse and sidestep it-- permanently!

What kind of Couples can benefit from EFT Therapy?

Couples who are both committed to their relationship and who both want to learn how to create a safe and secure connection for the rest of their lives. I treat both Gay/Lesbian and Heterosexual partners. Please note, if you have an ongoing physical abuse, active addiction, or an affair in one or more partner, you are not yet ready for EFT Couple work. It is best to consult with me first on how to proceed. 

Here are just a few examples of typical couples who can and have benefited from EFT:

  • Dating couples who are contemplating marriage
  • Newly married couples
  • Longstanding relationships stuck in a distant bond
  • Couples in escalating fights that go nowhere
  • Couples with young children who feel overwhelmed with responsibilities
  • Couples recovering from an affair that has ended.
  • Couples with history of trauma in one or both partners (childhood trauma). 
  • Couples in Addiction Recovery that both want to learn how to increase intimacy in their relationship. 

What are the Benefits and Value of EFT Couples Therapy?

YOU LEARN ABOUT YOUR CYCLE OR REPETITIVE PATTERN TOGETHER TO STOP THE FIGHTS - EFT Couples Therapy gets to the heart of the issue without letting you drift off into content topics. Specifically, you learn your repetitive pattern or cycle that keep you and your partner tired, frustrated, lonely and disconnected. 

YOU LEARN TO NAME AND CLAIM YOUR MOVES IN THE CYCLE – You learn how you are each creating your partners reactions triggered by your “ solutions” or behaviors in your repetitive dance. 

YOU LEARN ABOUT YOUR DEEPER EMOTIONS AND NEEDS THAT ARE NOT SAFE TO EXPRESS WHEN YOU ARE BOTH REACTIVE.  In EFT Therapy when you have built a safe alliance with the therapist, you will slowly build safety with your partner and learn how to express more vulnerable emotions at a time that is right for you.

YOU LEARN ABOUT YOUR PARTNERS DEEPER EMOTIONS AND NEEDS THAT ARE NOT SAFE TO EXPRESS WHEN YOU ARE BOTH REACTIVE. Many people say how they “did not know their partner’s felt that way or never saw that side to their partner” when learning for the first time how to deeply listen and be heard without getting stuck in escalating arguments that are the “dance.”

EFT THERAPY IS PROCESS FOCUSED. This treatment allows you to experience a new way of relating right in the room; you then have lifetime tools to use to solve the many issues you might be coming in to address. At the end of treatment, we certainly do take time to address these concerns and you will have the skills to make those discussions so much easier 

EFT COUPLES THERAPY CAN BE COMPLETED IN A 16-20 WEEKS. However, if you have a relationship betrayal or an abuse history it will likely take longer.